Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my being single is dangerous.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
