Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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