I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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