so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
