I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
