Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
