omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
