the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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