it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
