my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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