smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
