there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
