so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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