It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
