So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
