If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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