somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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