I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
