im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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