Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
