i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
