What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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