Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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