I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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