lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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