i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
