As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
