Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
