Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
