I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
