If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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