Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
