That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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