Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
