Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
