Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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