i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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