she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
