So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
