You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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