Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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