I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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