Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
