She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
