Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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