how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
