yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
