I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
