I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
