thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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