kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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