when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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