I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dicks are not precious.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
