My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
