This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
