I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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