I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
