i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
