allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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