Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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