do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
