i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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