As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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