it's like iHOP with fire
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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