I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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