Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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