then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
