Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
