nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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