And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
