College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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