That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
