so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
