I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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