I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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