I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
