ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
