MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
