You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
