my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
