I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
