So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
