Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
