she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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