I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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